To-do List

It's 2014 and this means only one thing! It's time to draw up a to-do list. That's important, right? How else will I know what to do over the next few months? Yes, a to-do list is totally legit.

Let's jump right into it then. Any weird and wild suggestions like world domination are most welcome on your part.

I have two really big things that hold me back in life; two really big hurdles that I must overcome in order to be a cooler kid than the rest. Laziness. Fear. I hate these fuckers with every string of my being (I'm a String Theorist at heart)! I want to do more with my time and energy. I need to do more with my time and energy. I worry about time a lot and always feel I should be using it as efficiently as possible. It's just that I don't because I'm too busy lying on the couch worrying about time. It's pretty much like that play, Waiting for Godot, it's goddamn awful! Not that I don't have a fond place in my heart for that play or lying on couches. I might have to see a doctor about this come to think of it. I am lazy but I also almost always feel very fatigued even if I don't do anything too strenuous.

So first on the list: overcome laziness. This is an ongoing affair that I'll have to deal with everyday of my life. Everyday I will wake up and fight the good fight, the bad fight and even the losing fight. Have you ever read J.R.R. Tolkien's The Silmarillion? No? You really should. Put it on your to-do list. At any rate, the High Elves in the stories are fighting what they call The Long Defeat against the first dark lord, Morgoth. They are involved in a war that spans thousands of years with this one guy... entity or whatever you want to call him and they bear it with the utmost grace. Sure, they lose their composure and do some stupid things like betray each other but overall they hold out till the very end. My battle with laziness shall be on that scale! Minus the thousands of years. A visit to the good ol' doctor for a check-up also goes under this entry on the list. Might as well see if all my parts are functioning as they should.

Bon Iver's cover of Peter Gabriel's Come Talk to Me always echoes the words, 'Whatever fear invents, I swear it makes no sense' in my head. Those words are so very true but fear has a power over people, over me. I know lots of the things that I should do but I am scared and that is not a good way to live. I have huge fears that tower over me like buildings and I have small fears that follow me around like shadows. This is another Long Defeat I'm engaging in. I will fight fear on every front of my life. I will stumble and I will fall but I will always get up and fight. I will crush my fears. I will crush them in 2014, I will crush them in 2024. Whatever the year, as long as I'm here and breathing I will crush fear!

(Dramatic much?)
(Also, check this out: What Would You Do If You Weren't Afraid)

Managing just those two entries on my list will open so much more of the world to me. There are so many things that I want to do that I'm either too lazy, scared or both to do.

I am going to write.

I'm lazy and I'm scared though.

I am going to write magical stories for children because I'm a child at heart and believe that stories have the power to enchant and to teach wisdom. I am going to write stories for adults because the world needs more adults that are more like children in terms of exercising their imaginations. I am going to write poetry that makes me fall in love because I think words can be as beautiful as girls in summer dresses and pretty sandals.

I am going to read more.

I am going to to read more books that make me think about our world; how beautiful it is, how ugly it is. I am going to read more books that make me want to become a better person in our world. I am going to read books that make me laugh, cry and totally astound me. I am going to read books that shake my beliefs and make me see beyond my currents state. I am going to read more comic books because they make me happy and I think they are under-appreciated for the Joy they can bring. I am going to tell you about these books at parties, on the bus and wherever I meet you. I am going to write about these books on this blog.

I am going to watch more movies (I already watch a whole lot).

I am going to watch all of Woody Allen's movies because I met a lovely girl who started me out on them. I am going to watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind because it's her favourite movie and I realise that I actually have seen it and have been confusing it it with Finding Neverland in my head. I still don't remember what happened in it though. I had better just watch both movies.

I am going to run.

I am going to run like I did early last year. I am going to run through all of Cape Town. I don't want to run races or marathons; I am going to run to feel the life in me. I am going to exercise like I did early last year because it made me feel invested in my body. I am going to hike more. It's difficult for me but I am going to do it more because Cape Town has some beautiful views that take my breath away.

I am going to eat more and eat better because food is just amazing.

I am going to start a religion that honours pigs for being so goddamn tasty! I want pigs to understand that I love them even as I eat them. One day I will buy three or four pigs and will ensure that they are the happiest pigs in all of creation as a sign of my appreciation. I will refrain from eating them...

I am going to be happier and  I want for my friends, family and random strangers to be happy. I am going to work harder at work and do more with the time that I spend here because I love publishing. I am going to help make books that will make children grin from ear to ear.

I am going to save money because I met so many wonderful people from all over the world and I'd like to visit them all. I've fallen in love with a wonderful girl and I am going to go over to Amsterdam and kiss her.

I am going to hug my grandmother more, tease my sister more and tell my mother that I love her more.

So much to do!

I am going to play more video games because they are cool and I am going to hang out on the beach more because the ocean comforts and scares me.

Above all I am going to take Neil Gaiman's advice and live as only I can. I am going to make glorious mistakes and I am going to be kind.

I want for you to be happy because I love you for taking the time to read this. I might know who you are and I might not but I love you.

Have a great year :).

The Gig Life: The Book Launch That Got Away

I am a blogger and I am a writer of things wonderful and somewhat wibbly. I am damn good at these things and aim to be better everyday - except for Tuesdays, I have imaginary alcohol and drug addictions to develop on Tuesdays. I barely get paid to do this and yet I love it something fierce, even when I'm hating it. This is what I want to do with my life. I see myself in libraries, publishing houses (or even mansions) and interesting spaces in Media. It's rough breaking into these industries! One needs Bilbo Baggins' burglary skills.

My compadre, Varsha and I have been on our grind for a while now and have started out lining up gigs like book launches and other cool, bookish stuff to attend and cover using professional and only somewhat whimsy words. A picture of an author in a hat, smoking a pipe might accompany said words every now and then. One (or two in our case) can only plan so far ahead. Varsha is Team Books LIVE and I'm Team BizCommunity. We pool our collective ninja skills and write up a storm (a very professional one, I promise) about all the cool stuff we see, hear and sometimes lick at gigs.

Our first gig was to be the launch of Steven Boykey Sidley's second novel, Stepping Out. The shindig was to take place at Exclusive Books in Hyde Park, Sandton at 18:00 on Wednesday, 27 February 2013. I wrote it all down in a snazzy notebook and because I decided I like Mr Sidley I wrote down a bunch of questions I wanted to ask him and read reviews of both his books. Varsha and I had sent messages about cameras and her car giving her problems back and forth from Monday and we were ready to do this. She was going to write an article for Books LIVE and I was going to help with pictures (if Mr Sidley happened to be wearing a hat and was smoking a pipe) and generally work the room - get info for future gigs and maybe steal a purse or two, you know.

Wednesday arrived, on time, like it always does. I prepared myself and left well ahead of time to catch an early bus so as to avoid traffic. I went as far as wearing a nice collared shirt tucked into dressy jeans and All-Stars for comfort. I had my snazzy notepad and everything. All this only to find out an unfortunate mix-up of dates had occurred and the event took place the previous evening. I was so disheartened that I laughed. Varsha was on the phone with a very rude person from Exclusive Books who complained as if it were her fault the dates got mixed up.

Shit happens at the best of times and it makes for fertile ground for funny stories. We'll just have to hold out for the next gig to murder.

String Theory

I’ve not been living up to my Writer’s Creed from the very moment I penned it. That’s not a great start to being the best writer I can be. I landed a proper adult job that gets in the way of what was already a rather sporadic writing schedule and thus over the last five weeks or so my writing’s been a matter of strings – tiny little vibrations of ideas that would make up grand mindscapes if someone would make the effort to braid them together. I’ve had some moments of inspiration that I imagine could’ve turned out well if I’d taken the time to nurture them. My overall excuse is that I don’t have time, but that’s not true, all the weird other shit I get up to considered. I’m writing this on the bus home right now because this long trip right here is time that I can use for writing instead of looking out of the window for half an hour. Even though it's the first rain of Spring and the view is gorgeous.

‘…over the last five weeks or so my writing’s been a matter of strings – tiny little vibrations of ideas that would make up grand mindscapes if someone would make the effort to braid them together…’

Since my writing’s been reduced to the quantum level of strings and all things very small it’s best that I make plans to conquer the dimension that is Time first before moving back to Space. I’ve never been all that great with my Time management but that has to change if I’m to get all the things I need done out of the way, things like:

·         Work (sustaining engine of my life and all)
·         R.E.D. October (pretend you know what that is)
·         Reading (I've been reading Toll the Hounds forever!)
·         Writing
·         Gym
·         People (I need to cut down on people I don't like though, they're bad for my health or 

          something equally sinister) 
·         Family
·         Movies
·         Series
·         Gaming
·         Eating (a very pleasurable pass time this)

The rain outside is distracting me quite a lot – it's transforming the ugly CBD to something quite lovely. Anyway, Time, I'm addressing you personally now. No, don't try hide behind your impressive silver beard! This thing we've been doing you and I, it needs to have some sort of a structure that benefits us both, you know. Even if it's a floppy sort of structure, I don't mind, as long as we get through 24 hours of you and we can look back and nod satisfactorily that we didn't waste all that much of you staring at the ceiling, although, it must be said, it's a very beautiful ceiling.

I'm not sure how one goes about the whole setting up a schedule business so we'll need to find out how that's done and do it. Any ideas who we can consult? Or am I doing all the research again? For all your ticking and tocking you're a lazy bugger.

'No, don't try hide behind your impressive silver beard!'

(Aside... askance…? Askew…? That sort of thing. Nthabiseng said to talk to 5 and ask 5 to come sooner. Around about half past 4 will do. So, hi, 5, b3an_Champ here. Could we get that done please, the whole half past 4 business and all. Thanks. I'm busy working with your father to conquer him so you know, family friend and all that. Cool.)

Once I conquer Time I can focus on the dimensions of up and down, backwards and forwards, left and right and inside out.

***

Skip forward a week; add some days and nights and here I am in a hospital waiting room. My mom has a standing (more likely sleeping though) problem with her liver – failure and what not. She had an episode tonight and here we are. I'm scared a little but she seems okay right now. Since I'm here I decided to go over the ol' writing pad on my phone and saw this. I'm quite disappointed in myself. I let a whole week and some days and nights pass without doing much of this writing business save for two middling poems. Really? It takes a goddam hospital room to get me trying. That's just wrong. I want to do better than that, be better than that. I want to be my own muse.

That is all.

"Fool," said my Muse to me, "look in thy heart, and write." 

The Writer's Creed

Islam, Judaism, Christianity and even the Brotherhood of Assassins, they all have creeds. People who subscribe to these and other sects live by these creeds and die by these creeds. I am a writer and I need a creed that will be the force that drives me in that magical moment when fingers tap keyboard or thumb and forefinger clutch pen to jot down my brain noodles and present them as useful thought. I need a creed that'll set a fire to my mind and transform the words I conjure from mere to more.

I kneel here, in the darkest cavern of my mind, all voodoo ritual-like, and swear my fealty to my Muse: that from this day forth I shall live by this keyboard and pen, I shall die clutching these writers' tools and if I were to be resurrected by the likes of Dr Victor Frankenstein that I'll be a zombie whose hands are perpetually ink stained. With my last breath, as I stand facing Death I'll assualt her with a barrage of words worthy of a scroll in a dusty library. Thus I will be welcome in the mighty company of the legendary scribes.

I promise to write everyday, whether I'm feeling blue, green or grey. I promise to do battle with that white sheet of paper (digital or tangible) even though I know I will suffer defeat more often than not. I want to weather that 'long defeat' like Tolkien's Elves of old did their war against Morgoth, that darkest of lords. Like Liesel Meminger, the book thief, I want to fall in love with words; I want to stand up and hate them and always endeavour to make them right. 

"all voodoo ritual-like"

I write to tell my stories, the stories of people whose lives breathe and at times bleed into mine; I write to share my mind, heart and soul with other minds, hearts and souls. I write selfishly and I write selflessly. I seek to make sense of life and to be understood in life. I write nonsense when I find I cannot make sense and I'm misunderstood or I stand under amiss. I write with a lot of fear - it's always near, whispering caution and poison in my ear. I negotiate personal space with fear, it's a lifelong tug of war for the real estate of my mind. I write to play well (leg godt) with words like people play with LEGO bricks. I stick words together to construct grand structures I often have no names for but they make sense somehow - their lack of conventional sense make them so. As I've said before, I'm a wordslinger, my words, the pieces of my heart, are the bullets with which I shoot at readers and pierce souls. I aim for a gutshot and, ironically, I'm the one who spills my guts (blood and shit all over a page). My headshots rejuvenate brains instead of spilling them like secrets, like b3ans. I write to spread good rumours like a disease, but without the dis- affixed, I do it with ease. I give readers a good infection. I construct my words in simile in the hope that readers deconstruct them with a smile.

I am a writer. I always try my imaginary best. I frequent the Well at the World's End: I am well-read, well-informed and well-written.