To-do List

It's 2014 and this means only one thing! It's time to draw up a to-do list. That's important, right? How else will I know what to do over the next few months? Yes, a to-do list is totally legit.

Let's jump right into it then. Any weird and wild suggestions like world domination are most welcome on your part.

I have two really big things that hold me back in life; two really big hurdles that I must overcome in order to be a cooler kid than the rest. Laziness. Fear. I hate these fuckers with every string of my being (I'm a String Theorist at heart)! I want to do more with my time and energy. I need to do more with my time and energy. I worry about time a lot and always feel I should be using it as efficiently as possible. It's just that I don't because I'm too busy lying on the couch worrying about time. It's pretty much like that play, Waiting for Godot, it's goddamn awful! Not that I don't have a fond place in my heart for that play or lying on couches. I might have to see a doctor about this come to think of it. I am lazy but I also almost always feel very fatigued even if I don't do anything too strenuous.

So first on the list: overcome laziness. This is an ongoing affair that I'll have to deal with everyday of my life. Everyday I will wake up and fight the good fight, the bad fight and even the losing fight. Have you ever read J.R.R. Tolkien's The Silmarillion? No? You really should. Put it on your to-do list. At any rate, the High Elves in the stories are fighting what they call The Long Defeat against the first dark lord, Morgoth. They are involved in a war that spans thousands of years with this one guy... entity or whatever you want to call him and they bear it with the utmost grace. Sure, they lose their composure and do some stupid things like betray each other but overall they hold out till the very end. My battle with laziness shall be on that scale! Minus the thousands of years. A visit to the good ol' doctor for a check-up also goes under this entry on the list. Might as well see if all my parts are functioning as they should.

Bon Iver's cover of Peter Gabriel's Come Talk to Me always echoes the words, 'Whatever fear invents, I swear it makes no sense' in my head. Those words are so very true but fear has a power over people, over me. I know lots of the things that I should do but I am scared and that is not a good way to live. I have huge fears that tower over me like buildings and I have small fears that follow me around like shadows. This is another Long Defeat I'm engaging in. I will fight fear on every front of my life. I will stumble and I will fall but I will always get up and fight. I will crush my fears. I will crush them in 2014, I will crush them in 2024. Whatever the year, as long as I'm here and breathing I will crush fear!

(Dramatic much?)
(Also, check this out: What Would You Do If You Weren't Afraid)

Managing just those two entries on my list will open so much more of the world to me. There are so many things that I want to do that I'm either too lazy, scared or both to do.

I am going to write.

I'm lazy and I'm scared though.

I am going to write magical stories for children because I'm a child at heart and believe that stories have the power to enchant and to teach wisdom. I am going to write stories for adults because the world needs more adults that are more like children in terms of exercising their imaginations. I am going to write poetry that makes me fall in love because I think words can be as beautiful as girls in summer dresses and pretty sandals.

I am going to read more.

I am going to to read more books that make me think about our world; how beautiful it is, how ugly it is. I am going to read more books that make me want to become a better person in our world. I am going to read books that make me laugh, cry and totally astound me. I am going to read books that shake my beliefs and make me see beyond my currents state. I am going to read more comic books because they make me happy and I think they are under-appreciated for the Joy they can bring. I am going to tell you about these books at parties, on the bus and wherever I meet you. I am going to write about these books on this blog.

I am going to watch more movies (I already watch a whole lot).

I am going to watch all of Woody Allen's movies because I met a lovely girl who started me out on them. I am going to watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind because it's her favourite movie and I realise that I actually have seen it and have been confusing it it with Finding Neverland in my head. I still don't remember what happened in it though. I had better just watch both movies.

I am going to run.

I am going to run like I did early last year. I am going to run through all of Cape Town. I don't want to run races or marathons; I am going to run to feel the life in me. I am going to exercise like I did early last year because it made me feel invested in my body. I am going to hike more. It's difficult for me but I am going to do it more because Cape Town has some beautiful views that take my breath away.

I am going to eat more and eat better because food is just amazing.

I am going to start a religion that honours pigs for being so goddamn tasty! I want pigs to understand that I love them even as I eat them. One day I will buy three or four pigs and will ensure that they are the happiest pigs in all of creation as a sign of my appreciation. I will refrain from eating them...

I am going to be happier and  I want for my friends, family and random strangers to be happy. I am going to work harder at work and do more with the time that I spend here because I love publishing. I am going to help make books that will make children grin from ear to ear.

I am going to save money because I met so many wonderful people from all over the world and I'd like to visit them all. I've fallen in love with a wonderful girl and I am going to go over to Amsterdam and kiss her.

I am going to hug my grandmother more, tease my sister more and tell my mother that I love her more.

So much to do!

I am going to play more video games because they are cool and I am going to hang out on the beach more because the ocean comforts and scares me.

Above all I am going to take Neil Gaiman's advice and live as only I can. I am going to make glorious mistakes and I am going to be kind.

I want for you to be happy because I love you for taking the time to read this. I might know who you are and I might not but I love you.

Have a great year :).

Cupboard Person of the er... Year

“The most wonderful of all things in life is the discovery of another human being with whom one's relationship has a growing depth, beauty and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvelous thing; it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of divine accident, and the most wonderful of all things in 
life.” - Sir Hugh Walpole

I didn’t think of her as an actual human person with hopes, wishes, dreams, feelings, boobs, cute lazy eyes and chutzpah.

It’s too early to make this person my Cupboard Person of the Year, I know, since the year has just kicked off but she will be a highlight no matter what else happens to me this year. So here we go: the beautiful and charming Nthabiseng Monyane.

Life is wonderfully wobbly and all sorts of wibbly and I love it for that very reason. You can never be too sure of what to expect from it. It gives you Joy and sunshine at times and grief and thunderstorms at others. That’s just the way it goes.

Once in a while, though, someone amazing happens and her beautiful soul enters into your life and throws your whole rhythm out of balance by exploding her galaxy into your soulstuff. It’s a beautiful moment that I wish I could capture and bottle. That’s not the way God’s multiverse works though and all I can do is hold my breath and enjoy the beauty of the moment. I can also write about it a little.

Life in its wonderfully wobbly proportions is sneaky like a ninja kitten and introduced me to Nthabi-chan as Asia – someone who left a comment on a post on this here blog a few years back. Of course I didn’t think anything of it back then, since I didn’t expect that we would be meeting at any point. I lack all sorts of foresight I guess. She was, to my mind, just another wonderful mind trawling the interwebscape. I didn’t think of her as an actual human person with hopes, wishes, dreams, feelings, boobs, cute lazy eyes and chutzpah.

And then she moved to Jozi and got in touch and we started chatting on BBM, plotting clandestine meetings in dark corners where groping might occur. We just hit it off like two red headed stepchildren (to quote my friend, Grant). Plans were plot and schemes were scam for the meeting day and they almost unravelled because of fresh fog fuckery on my side of things but we circumvented all of that and met for a drink last Friday. Needless to say that the meeting went well... Okay, I lie, the meeting was freakin’ amazing! This woman just made it into my headspace without any effort and it was one of the highlights of my life.

Plans were plot and schemes were scam for the meeting day...

I am grateful to the hooded and cloaked powers that be that I met Nthabi-chan and I look forward to at least a lifetime of shared experiences.

Welcome to the Beanbag my Lady Love, I hope you enjoy it here :)

Cupboard Person of the Week

I have a strange desire to snatch up interesting people I come across and keep them in my cupboard. I don’t know why... It might be one of my sociopathic tendencies that I must find a way to deal with or that I’m simply as mad as a hatter. Don’t worry though; my cupboard is rather comfortable as far as cupboards go and I promise not to harm the individuals who catch my eye. I figure that I might as well dedicate some space to the wonderful and wobbly people that I come across and tell their stories, by which I actually mean what I think of them. So first up is the lovely:

Emanuela de Paula

Other than the fact that she is a very beautiful woman, Brazilian (very fitting for a beautiful woman) she just seems so bubbly and fun to be around. She looks good in a swimsuit, and I assume out of one, but what really catches my eye is her laughing. When she laughs her whole face lights up with Joy and it makes me laugh, her laughter is contagious like a dangerous disease. This is the main source of her beauty I think. Joy is beautiful no matter who it affects. Mother Teresa looks beautiful in pictures even though she is a wrinkly old woman because she is in the presence of Joy. People who are labelled as ugly instantly transform into a vision of beauty when they experience Joy. Ms (I don’t think she’s married) de Paula can stay in my cupboard to remind me that Joy is beautiful. She should hang out with Mother Teresa to show that beauty is more a matter of what’s in your heart than what you look like.

The Sea, the Sea . . . it calls out to me

And it is said by the Eldar that in water there lives yet the echo of the music of the Ainur more than in any substance else that is in this Earth; and many of the Children of Ilúvatar hearken still unsated to the voices of the Sea, and yet know not for what they listen. – J.R.R. Tolkien, The Silmarillion

It has finally dawned on me that I am not very good at this ‘real life’ business that everyone else seems so intent on. The new plan is to go live somewhere near the Sea and to take up surfing as my new life-style. Being homeless in Jozi is probably not something anyone should strive for but being homeless near the Sea is a different kettle of fish: all I’ll need is a surf board, some wax, board shorts, a fishing rod and a bonfire every night.

Okay, let me backtrack and be a little more realistic. As Romantic as being homeless on the beach sounds I’m not Zen enough to survive under those conditions yet. What I’ll really need to be a successful semi-beach bum is to save up enough money to buy a super kewl VW hippie van and enough to open a little second hand bookstore somewhere near the beach – those deeply philosophical surfers always need something to stimulate their minds after all. Then I’ll be set for a glorious life of having my brain totally fried by the bliss that is surfing.

I think that we should all quit our jobs or studies and all head out to the world’s beaches and surf forever. If you’re not very fond of the Sea, i.e. she scares the living daylights out of you, I’d recommend trees, quit your job and go live in a giant oak tree… you know, like the Elves in Tolkien. Just build a flet in the biggest tree you can find and fill it with good books and you’re good to go.

I think this will solve some of the world’s problems (some minor squabbles like Hey! Your tree’s bigger than mine will still exist though I’m sad to say) and we’ll all be happier people.

There’ll be some technicalities to consider but I think we (by which I mainly mean a bunch of smart people somewhere) can work around these difficulties and create a system that works. Never mind that, scrap the technicalities, they’re what’s making us humans so unhappy in the first place – we’ll just wing it and hope for the best.