Tuesday, 31 May 2016

Letters to Life: Convergence 2016

Dearest Life,

If ever you have taken some time off from handing out lemons on street corners and have ever read Steven Erikson’s epic fantasy series, The Malazan Book of the Fallen, you will know that one of the overarching themes in the books is convergence. If you have not read the books it’s fine because convergence seems to be one of your overarching themes. Like how you handed out so many lemons throughout your career that it eventually annoyed Beyoncé and she went and made Lemonade for all of us so you would stop. Those two events were just drawn to each other.

All the ups, all of the downs and all the madness have all led to this moment. This is where everything collides to form something new.

In the fourth book in the series, House of Chains, Mappo and Karsa have a chat about convergence. In their case they talk about convergences and their relationship to curses. I am here because of the good and the bad. Curses and blessings.

Mappo: “And I speak from long experience; curses are horrible things. Tell me, has Sha’ik ever spoken to you of convergence?”
Karsa: “No.”
Mappo: “When curses collide, you might say. Flaws and virtues, the many faces of fateful obsession, of singular purpose. Powers and wills are drawn together, as if one must by nature seek the annihilation of the other. Thus, you and Icarium are now here, and we are moments from a dreadful convergence, and it is my fate to witness. Helpless unto desperate madness. Fortunately for my own sake, I have known this feeling before.”

The road to here has felt so long and I am weary to the bone. Life, you are difficult but it is also filled with many unexpected blessings. I have been unluckier than some and luckier than most to get to where I am currently at. The forces that I have no control over have only minimally interfered with my existence and the areas I have control over I have manged okay. I could have done more and should do more. On many a Sunday evening I am struck by a deep anxiety that I am failing at you. This morning as I was walking to work I realised that I am failing by my standards, I am rather average by society’s standards and a superhero by my family’s standards. That gave me some perspective. I am okay. I can still do better. I can still do worse but the road to improvement is open for me as it has never been open for anyone in my family. All my failures and successes have led to this point where I can look around me and use all that information to make better choices. Not just that though, I could have done that yesterday too. It seems everything has converged in a way that allows me to bring every influence together to build something new and powerful. My problem has always been that I am never sure how to combine all my strengths and now I think I am ready to do it.

This is the time. This is the place to build anew from the old.

P.S. If this post makes no sense to you don’t worry because a thing is happening and when it all comes together you will be the first to know. Okay, maybe second, I will have to tell my mom first.

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