Monday, 22 December 2008

Doing Stupid Things

Doing stupid things is a funny business, funny (and annoying sometimes) to those around you and funny to you in retrospect. I’m sitting here and thinking of my total failure at successful romantic relationships with the opposite sex over the years. It all started when I was a pip-squeak and I decided to ask the hottest girl in the neighbourhood (no, not the sexy sixteen-year-old in flat number 103 but rather the beautiful twelve-year-old in flat number 4) to be my valentine. You see I thought I was a smart kid and I reasoned that if she said yes to being my valentine it was inevitable that she would be my girlfriend. The good news is that she said yes and the bad news is that I had no idea what to do with her now that she was my valentine. The whole affair was very awkward and I ended up writing her a letter proclaiming the extent of my love and thus started a chain of folly that I’ve been trailing around with me for many years. In the letter I said things like I’d jump down from the jungle gym for her, not thinking that she’d actually take me up on it. Seriously! That R Kelly dude sang about crossing oceans for some girl and I bet she never took him up on it. I jumped down the jungle gym and learned that I wouldn’t die in the process. The relationship was still awkward though.

The lesson I learned: don’t just want things, know why you want them.

Fast forward to my High School years and my letter-accompanied stupidity just became worse because I was an avid reader by then and what better way to get girls than to write them letters with quotes from Hearts in Atlantis I thought. I could never work out what was going wrong for the life of me! Were the girls stupid or something? I spat more game in my letters than the most charming guys in school and all they said was that’s nice.

The whole mess was really silly but I wouldn’t change it for the world because stupid things make super cool memories.

Dating aside I’ve done lots of stupid things over the years such as playing with fire and burning stuff like curtains and carpets; shoplifting (I stole a Game Boy at Reggie’s once and I’m secretly proud of that); stealing a gangster’s chips (don’t ask); drinking punch that consisted of vodka, whiskey, beer, wine, brandy and some other suspect beverages at a house party, breaking into what looked like an abandoned house and breaking all the windows only to find that a friend of my mom’s lives there and the list just goes on and on.

I’m comforted by the fact that stupid people are virtually indestructible; God loves us so much that He gives us a ridiculously long lifespan. It must be a punishment for smart people, putting them on a planet crowded with stupid people to annoy the cheese out of them.
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