Alien Vision: 99EERAKD9QN7

I'm having alien visions. You, faithful reader, can just ignore them.

99EERAKD9QN7

That is all.

Letters to God #6

'Please, I want so badly for good things to happen.' - Sylvia Plath

Pieces of Letters to God

Hi Big G,

How are You doing today? I'm going to gym in a bit, which is pretty much the only thing that's working out for me. I spend most of my days pretty much looking forward to gym - it's a cool drug to be addicted to as far as I can make out. It's much better than my addiction to coffee.

Tell me, Big G, what's Your workout routine like? It must be hard finding a sparring partner or someone to spot You. No one can claim to understand #GodWorld problems, You're pretty much on Your own. If You ever want to grab some ice-cream we can do that and I really don't mind listening.

Mother's sick and she's quite stubborn in her ways - which are unhealthy ways. She doesn't look after herself and that's not working out well. I'm worried and don't know what to do. I'm not the best son at the best of times. It's like that dude who wrote Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, Edward Albee is it? That guy. He said that his adoptive parents weren't good at being parents and he wasn't good at being a son and so they parted ways. I don't think I want it to come to that. I like my people a little bit. May I please have some guidance in this area. Thanks a lot.

'I wanna be the best who ever did it

Don't know if that goal is feasible, or it isn't

But if it is then God, if you're listenin'

Please grant me the strength to crush all competition

You can't blame me for dreaming, I'm a dreamer

And if I'm coming off brash please forgive me

But, that's all I want'

- Eminem on Slaughterhouse's Our House

I'm working that inspiration angle like a geometer! I'm in my writing lab everyday now, working on a mixture of words that matter and carry enough weight to uplift hearts. I'm trying to discover the God particles that make up the words that will bring contentment to my soul. I even got a tattoo that reads: Imagine on my wrist to inspire me to sit my ass down and imagine new, shiny horizons on my keyboard. I've mucked up a lot and continue to do so - it's a hard tangle to get out of but I want to flip that shit and become a laptop toting media ninja, killing folk with sneaky insights into everything nerdy entertainment. Please keep giving me the mana potions to blast down media doors and write well.

'I am over 25

And I can't make a name for myself

Some nights I break down and cry'

- fun., One Foot

I don't even know what to say about my other pursuits hey... Life, love, money, drugs, beer and all the rest. It's a murky puddle I frown upon every morning. Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold. I frown. The other night I thought about killing myself with a shoe or something. My sister says You're against that sort of thing though. So no shoes then?

'Oh my God! Have you listened to me lately?

Lately, I've been fucking crazy...'

- fun., Some Nights (Intro.)

I've also let some very good people down lately and I'm sorry for that. It's not my intention to ever hurt people so please send them all some good vibes if You can. Well, I know You can. I guess I mean if You think it'll help. I'm sad about this.

I'm re-visting Middle-earth and that's nice. It's like that Mandela 27 years thing where I imagine he felt every inch of his struggle and it all felt very righteous. The Elves make their sorrow in their struggle against Morgoth seem cool, they make it matter more than everyday pain. My sorrow always just feel lame - just like my life sucks and that's it, there's no other purpose there. Anyhoo, Middle-earth is a nice escape from the day-to-day crap of my so-called real life. If You're in that sort of mood please send me a The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe sort of adventure. I'm too old, I know but it would be nice. Or You can send me my ex-therapist, Ursula. She was cool.

"Please keep giving me mana potions..."

It's always pretty rad-ical talking to You and telling You about all the strange things that befall me. I imagine our creator/creature relationship in the image of a puppy bringing its master a stick because masters love sticks - it's cute. Have Yourself a great evening and and say hi to the Heavenly host for me.

Love,

b3an_Champ

Audio Slave: fun. Some Nights Album Review

@b3an_Champ:

I like music as much as the next fellow... I've never really understood this saying but I mean to say that I like music a great deal but my physical being isn't that way inclined. I have little to no rhythm, three left feet (and I'm not even left footed) and I can't sing my way out of a paper bag. I like listening to music though, a lottle. Music affects my soulstuff in a subtle manner that makes me smile. This review (or commentary mayhap?), thus, is based on how fun.'s Some Nights makes me feel, which ranges from squishy inside to tears.  Joining me is @NthAsia, whose wisdom in this matter exceeds mine and she's more qualified to make judgement. She'll be adding her voice to mine.

And. Here. We. Go!

"It's all fun. and gay 'til someone loses their rights."

I've never heard of these dudes before stumbling on their single, Some Nights. I was at gym when I heard the song and I knew that the more I hear it the more I'll love it - sort of like seeing someone for the first time and knowing that you'll share a portion of yourself with them in the near future. I downloaded the single and let it make itself at home on my phone and gradually got into it and one day on the bus it broke me when the song's tone changes about halfway through and Nate Reuss sings: 'My heart is breaking for my sister and the con that she call "love" / When I look into my nephew's eyes... / Man, you won't believe the most amazing things / That can come from some terrible lies'.

Some Nights turned out to be an odd sort of album for me... I like most of the songs on the album in general but I fully love half of songs like Some Nights, Carry On and Stars. Ruess starts off jokingly enough on serious or semi-serious matters and whilst you're bobbing your head, having a good time the song would transcend its jovial tone and break your heart: 'Well, some nights I rule the world with bar lights and pretty girls / But most nights I stay straight and think about my mom / Oh, God I miss her so much'. I'm still confuddled by such wizardry. It’s the sort of magic that makes you feel sorrow and makes you smile at the same time. I like how fun. blends emotions like sorrow and joy, it makes me feel like I can have a good time no matter how shitty my life gets.

I love all the songs on the album but the three that stand out for me are: Carry On, All Alright and Stars.

I’ve always been a big fan of acts from record label, Fueled by Ramen and fun.’s Jack Antonoff, Andrew Dost and Nate Reuss are more than worthy to share space on my playlist with stable mates like Fall Out Boy, Yellowcard, Paramore, Panic! At the Disco and Gym Class Heroes.

"...some nights I rule the world with bar lights and pretty girls..."

@NthAsia:

I discovered FUN with their first single from Some Nights: We Are Young. I thought it was bold and, dare I say, fun. Who thinks of “set[ting] the world on fire”? I knew I had to get the full album. I did. And just like how @b3an_Champ says, it gives a sense of sharing a portion of yourself with someone, it does. Except in this case, Nate uses his voice to share the band’s portions and stories with you. I am hoping it is not just his stories he is telling, being the lead singer and all. Because, as much as the album sounds very connected, it’s also a lot for just one person to have gone through. Nate’s unique and somewhat raspy voice captures me in a way a sad story always has hope in it. Like how your heart will choose to love a drug addict. You are overwhelmed and hurt constantly by the need to save them, and are aware of the need to walk away, but the love pulls you in. Like honey and a swarm of stinging bees. I hope this makes sense to you somehow. This album is beautiful. People have called FUN the Queen of our time. I am not old enough to know much about Queen except the popular songs like I Want to Break Free and We Are the Champions. I cannot fully grasp what their sound was. But I do know FUN does make you travel back in time and into a space where your soul is fondled with great sadness. One of the few albums where I do not skip a single track, Some Nights will make some of your nights.

Some Nights I Chat to the Interwebs

22/11/2012

Some time in the evening, on a couch.

"Have you listened to me lately / Lately I've been going crazy!" - fun.

 Good evening Interwebs,

I trust that you’ve been well behaved and kept the shenanigans and tomfoolery at a minimum. I’m coming at you from the couch at the home front tonight – just to share a thought or two with you and a whole lot of imaginary vodka. Don't worry, I'm buying.

Me: Good evening Interwebs.
Interwebs: Good evening Charlie.

I'm just sitting here listening to some fun., Dia Frampton and The Mysterious Traveller radio drama, you know, a typical Thursday night for a cool cat such as myself. Dude, I gotta tell you. I straight up got to meet my future self the other day. Future Charlie was hanging out at a dingy bar and everything... I must say he's an oddball. He was feeling all kinds of suicidal and crap and had travelled to the past to kill himself. Sheesh! The nonsense future selves get up to. If I could travel back in time I'd fix things... No, wait, I've watched enough TV to know that doesn't work. I guess a spot in the past is an interesting place to kill oneself. Hmm... Go future Charlie. He was probably singing, 'I don't need a new love or a new life, just a better place to die.' Anyhoo, he still didn't have a beard so let's not pat him on the back too much. Before we parted he left me a letter that I’ve not opened yet but as soon as I do I’ll let you read it. I just hope it’s not as morbid as he is.

"I’m coming at you from the couch at the home front tonight..."

Aside: Daniel in Dia Frampton's song about him sounds like a really cool fellow, very quirky and all. He sleeps without pillows in a house on Cherry Street.

Tell me stories, Interwebs, what's been happening with you aside from all the illegal downloading and porn? Ah, people on social networks annoying you. Alas, you actually have to deal with everybody on social networks, you can't just unfollow them or unfriend them. Anyhoo, speaking of unfriending, how does one do that in real life? Some people just don't get that I don't want to hang with them, even after I'd said it. A tazer you say... I like the way you think. Have you thought about acquiring one for yourself to give those people who annoy you a little jolt? Google one that would deliver a fatal charge if administered correctly. It's a good thing we're friends, you and I, so my constant whining when I'm sad or jumping up and down when I'm happy doesn't annoy you. I'm a pretentious prick but you love me. I'll buy you more imaginary vodka if you say yes... Some nights (snicker) I sit here and tell you the biggest load of crap and act like it matters to the world at large and you listen, Interwebs, you listen to the stories about me killing my neighbours with paper planes carrying tiny nuclear explosives and you don't call the police folk. I like that about you.

Remember BB guns? I'm sure you do, what with your vault of infinite intelligence. Those were cool and would come with all the instructions about not shooting people or animals, your only allowed target of living things was plants and that was probably because everyone simply forgot to add them to the list. The guys who made BB guns wanted to sell children guns that are fun because you could shoot your friend’s eye out but at the same time wanted to promote non-violence. They should've added a tagline that reads: 'Enjoy BB guns responsibly. Don't shoot people, animals or plants. The only BBs we’re interested in now are of the RIM kind and they just aren’t as much fun as shooting your friend in the head and laughing whilst he cries.

Askew: Isabella should run away to Cherry Street and hook up with Daniel if he's not averse to the fact that she's a sleeping tiger come awake. The dude sleeps without pillows so I don't think he'd mind.

"equal opportunity brain cell destruction"

I’m tired now, all this imaginary vodka is going to my head and I need to lie down to evenly distribute it to all of my brain. I’m all about equal opportunity brain cell destruction after all. Listen, it was really nice talking to you and even though both of us deserve certificates for lunacy to proudly hang on our walls I think we’re okay. I’ll hit you up again soon and we can feed our imaginary alcohol habit. Be cool my slice of home.

C. S. Lewis Blog: Happy 75th Birthday to The Hobbit!

C. S. Lewis Blog: Happy 75th Birthday to The Hobbit!

“All I remember about the start of The Hobbit is sitting correcting School Certificate papers in the everlasting weariness of that annual task forced on impecunious academics with children. On a blank leaf I scrawled: ‘In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit.’ I did not and do not know why.  I did nothing about it, for a long time.”

String Theory

I’ve not been living up to my Writer’s Creed from the very moment I penned it. That’s not a great start to being the best writer I can be. I landed a proper adult job that gets in the way of what was already a rather sporadic writing schedule and thus over the last five weeks or so my writing’s been a matter of strings – tiny little vibrations of ideas that would make up grand mindscapes if someone would make the effort to braid them together. I’ve had some moments of inspiration that I imagine could’ve turned out well if I’d taken the time to nurture them. My overall excuse is that I don’t have time, but that’s not true, all the weird other shit I get up to considered. I’m writing this on the bus home right now because this long trip right here is time that I can use for writing instead of looking out of the window for half an hour. Even though it's the first rain of Spring and the view is gorgeous.

‘…over the last five weeks or so my writing’s been a matter of strings – tiny little vibrations of ideas that would make up grand mindscapes if someone would make the effort to braid them together…’

Since my writing’s been reduced to the quantum level of strings and all things very small it’s best that I make plans to conquer the dimension that is Time first before moving back to Space. I’ve never been all that great with my Time management but that has to change if I’m to get all the things I need done out of the way, things like:

·         Work (sustaining engine of my life and all)
·         R.E.D. October (pretend you know what that is)
·         Reading (I've been reading Toll the Hounds forever!)
·         Writing
·         Gym
·         People (I need to cut down on people I don't like though, they're bad for my health or 

          something equally sinister) 
·         Family
·         Movies
·         Series
·         Gaming
·         Eating (a very pleasurable pass time this)

The rain outside is distracting me quite a lot – it's transforming the ugly CBD to something quite lovely. Anyway, Time, I'm addressing you personally now. No, don't try hide behind your impressive silver beard! This thing we've been doing you and I, it needs to have some sort of a structure that benefits us both, you know. Even if it's a floppy sort of structure, I don't mind, as long as we get through 24 hours of you and we can look back and nod satisfactorily that we didn't waste all that much of you staring at the ceiling, although, it must be said, it's a very beautiful ceiling.

I'm not sure how one goes about the whole setting up a schedule business so we'll need to find out how that's done and do it. Any ideas who we can consult? Or am I doing all the research again? For all your ticking and tocking you're a lazy bugger.

'No, don't try hide behind your impressive silver beard!'

(Aside... askance…? Askew…? That sort of thing. Nthabiseng said to talk to 5 and ask 5 to come sooner. Around about half past 4 will do. So, hi, 5, b3an_Champ here. Could we get that done please, the whole half past 4 business and all. Thanks. I'm busy working with your father to conquer him so you know, family friend and all that. Cool.)

Once I conquer Time I can focus on the dimensions of up and down, backwards and forwards, left and right and inside out.

***

Skip forward a week; add some days and nights and here I am in a hospital waiting room. My mom has a standing (more likely sleeping though) problem with her liver – failure and what not. She had an episode tonight and here we are. I'm scared a little but she seems okay right now. Since I'm here I decided to go over the ol' writing pad on my phone and saw this. I'm quite disappointed in myself. I let a whole week and some days and nights pass without doing much of this writing business save for two middling poems. Really? It takes a goddam hospital room to get me trying. That's just wrong. I want to do better than that, be better than that. I want to be my own muse.

That is all.

"Fool," said my Muse to me, "look in thy heart, and write." 

Sandton Princess in an Advertising World...: Once Upon a Time I used to Read Books

Sandton Princess in an Advertising World...: Once Upon a Time I used to Read Books: Once upon a time, a long long time ago, I used to read books. I used to devour them like pieces of cake. I would read anything I coul...

The Writer's Creed

Islam, Judaism, Christianity and even the Brotherhood of Assassins, they all have creeds. People who subscribe to these and other sects live by these creeds and die by these creeds. I am a writer and I need a creed that will be the force that drives me in that magical moment when fingers tap keyboard or thumb and forefinger clutch pen to jot down my brain noodles and present them as useful thought. I need a creed that'll set a fire to my mind and transform the words I conjure from mere to more.

I kneel here, in the darkest cavern of my mind, all voodoo ritual-like, and swear my fealty to my Muse: that from this day forth I shall live by this keyboard and pen, I shall die clutching these writers' tools and if I were to be resurrected by the likes of Dr Victor Frankenstein that I'll be a zombie whose hands are perpetually ink stained. With my last breath, as I stand facing Death I'll assualt her with a barrage of words worthy of a scroll in a dusty library. Thus I will be welcome in the mighty company of the legendary scribes.

I promise to write everyday, whether I'm feeling blue, green or grey. I promise to do battle with that white sheet of paper (digital or tangible) even though I know I will suffer defeat more often than not. I want to weather that 'long defeat' like Tolkien's Elves of old did their war against Morgoth, that darkest of lords. Like Liesel Meminger, the book thief, I want to fall in love with words; I want to stand up and hate them and always endeavour to make them right. 

"all voodoo ritual-like"

I write to tell my stories, the stories of people whose lives breathe and at times bleed into mine; I write to share my mind, heart and soul with other minds, hearts and souls. I write selfishly and I write selflessly. I seek to make sense of life and to be understood in life. I write nonsense when I find I cannot make sense and I'm misunderstood or I stand under amiss. I write with a lot of fear - it's always near, whispering caution and poison in my ear. I negotiate personal space with fear, it's a lifelong tug of war for the real estate of my mind. I write to play well (leg godt) with words like people play with LEGO bricks. I stick words together to construct grand structures I often have no names for but they make sense somehow - their lack of conventional sense make them so. As I've said before, I'm a wordslinger, my words, the pieces of my heart, are the bullets with which I shoot at readers and pierce souls. I aim for a gutshot and, ironically, I'm the one who spills my guts (blood and shit all over a page). My headshots rejuvenate brains instead of spilling them like secrets, like b3ans. I write to spread good rumours like a disease, but without the dis- affixed, I do it with ease. I give readers a good infection. I construct my words in simile in the hope that readers deconstruct them with a smile.

I am a writer. I always try my imaginary best. I frequent the Well at the World's End: I am well-read, well-informed and well-written.

Letters to God #5

Hey there Big G,

Pieces of Letters to God

You're Life's manager, right? Well she gave me lemons and doesn't want to take them back. I don't care for lemonade or jumping back into the public eye and squirting lemon juice in it, like that Eminem fellow. So here I am, talking with You.

In fact these lemons are going a long way in souring my life: I lost my wallet because of them, lost a friend's money and computer hardware. My favourite pair of jeans died. All these little things keep happening and I blame the crate of lemons.

This crate of lemons is just sitting here and doing nothing for me. Could you just take them off of my hands so that I can utilize the space for something else - like placing my new sweet hat on?

Please do that for me.

That is all, Sir.

Amen and good day.

Cupboard Person of the Week

"I will not let failure and defeat write the story of my personal history.

Instead, I will let my life speak the tale of the greater narratives.

Narratives of those who became great."

My Juliet, Audrey Katsidzira's on my hit list this week. She's a friend of mine who's not imaginary like most of them on here are and her influence on me is worthy of bards telling tale of it accompanied by the music of lyres. Don't tell her this, but I've set in motion a plot to convert her to my musical sensibilities under the guise of 'just sharing the love'. Very soon she'll be rocking out at death metal concerts and drinking the blood of cute bunnies. It's going to be great.

I don't see her at all as much as I want to but she always knows exactly what to say to me. She's like a sip of refreshing water, is my Juliet. Just watching her live is inspirational to me. She's a friend whom I consider a role model and a mentor. She is oh-so beautiful, both physically and spiritually. Her mind is like C.S. Lewis writes of that of his wife, it's that of a leopard or a panther; quick, lithe and nimble. She's the sort of person who can put up with and laugh at my shenanigans but she can put her foot down and keep me in check when the need arises.

Lady Juliet is without a doubt one of the best people I know and I'm glad of it. She's ahead of me in terms of things accomplished but not so far that I can't see her clearly enough to look up to her. She's near enough to give me kind words of encouragement when I stumble and fall, is gentle Juliet. It's nice to have friends like her to look up to because their presence is much more real than that of people you don't actually know.