Occasional Letters to Death #1

'It's funny but on good days I don't think of her so much. In fact never. I never just say hi when the sun is on my tongue and my belly's all warm. On bad days I talk to Death constantly, not about suicide because honestly that's not dramatic enough. Most of us love the stage and suicide is definitely your last performance and being addicted to the stage, suicide was never an option - plus people get to look you over and stare at your fatty bits and you can't cross your legs to give that flattering thigh angle and that's depressing. So we talk. She says things no one else seems to come up with, like let's have a hotdog and then it's like nothing's impossible.' - Tori Amos, Introduction to Neil Gaiman's Death: The High Cost of Living

"Mr Gaiman portrays you as a beautiful young woman with life bursting at the seams ..."

Hi, Charlie b3an-Champ here.

I like you, I think. I'm not sure with all the reaping you do on a daily basis. I like the manner in which Neil Gaiman embodies you, at any rate. I also like the manner in which Tori Amos speaks of you. I feel slightly uncomfortable at how cool you are when it's all said and done. You're even cool in Supernatural, what with your old-money swagger, that haunting song by Jen Titus as an intro and your cool conversations with Dean about reaping God. Gosh! You're even cool in Steven Erikson's The Malazan Book of the Fallen as Hood - who waits at the end of every scheme. You're supposed to be life's greatest enemy, the Grim Reaper and all the other scary personas. Mr Gaiman portrays you as a beautiful young woman with life bursting at the seams instead. Take the Greek pantheon as an example, no one likes Hades. He (you?) doesn't even like himself. If he were not Death he'd kill himself. Anyway, I digress. What I was saying is that I like you and that I'd like to talk to you once in a while. Even though you scare me. I want to learn from you about life. Ironic, I know, but I think you know stuff. I talk to God a lot and figure I might as well learn from you as well. Are you okay with that? We'll just talk. I'll buy you hotdogs. I bet you'd like that.

Old-money swagger.

'I know Death is somewhere inside of me. She was the kind of girl all the girls wanted to be, I believe, because of her acceptance of "what is." She keeps reminding me there is change in the "what is" but change cannot be made till you accept the "what is."'

I want to learn this, accepting "what is". I'm no good at that. Last year I was seeing a creepy raven haired Eastern European therapist who was good at listening to me. You'd like her. She listened more than other therapists because she was still new. She never really helped me resolve any issues but we talked and it was cool. I told her I have issues with dealing with reality and she agreed. The point is that even though I have a hard time dealing with reality it doesn't have a hard time dealing with me. Thus I must learn how to accept "what is". Then I can start being made into a better being.

"Nor was he known as a melodramatic god - the Lord of Death was reputed to be, if anything, ironically modest."

'Over the last few hours I've allowed myself to feel defeated, and just like she said if you allow yourself to feel the way you really feel, maybe you won't be afraid of that feeling anymore.'

I'm uncomfortable with feeling defeated and I don't like indulging the feeling but sometimes the machine just breaks and I descend into the circular ruins of my blasted mindscape. A dear friend of mine, Shannon, once told me that I need to 'feel' what I feel. That made me sad because if I 'felt' all I felt I fear I should burst. I'll give it a go and we'll see :).

I'm certain you and I can have good chats. I'll hit you up hey and I wasn't joking about those hotdogs, you'll get them.

Be cool.

Letters to God #4.1.3.4

Hello there, Big G.

Pieces of Letters to God

I hope You're well and all. I started writing you a letter some time back but then my train of thought got derailed... What I wanted to say was significant in some manner so I shall keep it in the wings till it feels the need to resurface again.

Onward march to today then, I'm seeing Red. I want Red October to take flight and be all kinds of cool, You know. So, yeah, please provide me with some guidance on this long, hard and pretty satisfying (reading this again, I realised how that can apply to things other than what I mean) road. Yes, that's what I need, You to hold my hand. That is all. Also, I have a Lady Love who needs some 'cute' added to her life. Could You do that for her please. She'll be cool with added 'cute'.

First things out of the way then. Good. Now I can proceed to tell You stories. Family hey. Scumbags. What's up with that? They're all annoying furry creatures that are in my face all day long. Do You have any qualms with me punching them? Just a little. I suck at the being all familial with my family, they annoy me too much. Bless their souls. I'd rather punch them - out of love and all that jazzy stuff.

Tell me, do You support football? Since working out with the boys and having to listen to them yap about it all day long about it I find it a little intriguing... When it's not being boring. So I was just wondering if You care for that football sort of thing. If I were You I'd not be able to really bring myself to care too much, but, Sir, I am not You.

Funny thing today :D. An old, and somewhat annoying, friend visited me today and a comment he made was the height of my day. He figures that when You chucked Lucifer out of Heaven You made a mistake by not stripping him of his angelic powers. I just loved how serious he was about the matter. So, Big G, You made a boo boo there.

I'm out. g2g, as the cool kids say. I love You madly (which is to say that even when I'm mad at You I love You).

P.S. I'm listening to the radio and there's a guy preaching about how You like 'bastards, cripples and broken things'. It's really cool. I'm a bastard and a broken thing. Just saying ;).

Letters to God #4

Hello there Big G,

Pieces of Letters to God

I'm feeling as grey as the dreary sky outside. Things are just not falling into place it would seem. My efforts at pushing hard at this life business seem quite measly in the greater scheme of things. I'm feeling all sorts of sorry for myself. I'm not that great at life it would seem. If you left breathing to me I'd make a mess of it somehow I bet. Ah, well. I'll just sit here and share my feelings of inadequacy with the sky. That's what I'll do. Life's giving me lemons and I don't like them much but I can handle them in a pinch.

Anyway, all the soppy stuff aside, how are You? Are You still on top of all things wonderfully wibbly and mysterious? Do tell a boy. I like listening to the small sound of Your still, soft voice in the din of the roaring thunder.

Navigating the Two Realms

I'm scared. Very much so. It's midnight and I'm lying in bed, my mind restless as I try to unravel the digital strands of my presence on the Interwebs and order them in a more structured manner. It feels as though my online life is getting out of hand and Twitter is the final frontier facing me and then total virtual chaos. I'm on almost every other online social platform: Facebook, Google+, Blogspot, Shelfari, Linked In, You Tube, BBM, Mxit and a myriad of forums and other bobbles. My digital life is just more than I can live - it's too overwhelming!

Navigating The Circular Ruins of my mind.

People feel hassled and harried in the 'real' world as is, what with the breakneck pace of daily living to put food on the table and hang a 42-inch LCD TV on the wall. Then there's a whole other landscape (or is it more mindscape?) to navigate in form of the digital frontier - especially with the rise of social networks. Life is much easier now in terms of communication than is was some years back and it's so much more difficult at the same time. This paradox doesn't bother us much I've noticed, it's just the way it is these days and we go with the flow. We adapt and survive I guess. Also, we don't. I'm being coy with you aren't I? With all these little paradoxes. Well, it's because of how schizophrenic we've become - pieces of our beings divided between the 'real' and virtual realms. For the most part we cope with the strain quite well and then, to paraphrase William Butler Yeats, there are the times when things fall apart and our centre can no longer hold.

Then there's a whole other landscape (or is it more mindscape?) to navigate in form of the digital frontier - especially with the rise of social networks.

I'm a little OCD about things and like a certain degree of order to my online life, which is at odds with the chaotic nature of the Internet. It's difficult to keep track of the pieces of our selves that we put on social platforms. I always feel as though I've no real control of my virtual existence and that scares me at night! My dreams are riddled with post apocalypse scenes of Terminators roaming blasted landscapes and enslaving humans to do the god of technology's evil bidding. This, of course, is the rather exaggerated fear of an overactive mind and it holds very little water but it is symbolic of the relationship we have with the Internet and navigating that space.

We are connected to so many people and share with them our day to day activities and thoughts even though we don't really 'know' them all that well. Sure, you went to primary school with Thato and Shannon but when was the last time you really got to talk to them? It's nice having the option to catch up at the push of a button but we rarely actually reach out and do so. It's not because we don't want to, it's simply because we have too much choice and it's overwhelming. I've noticed that BBM already cuts into my time doing everything else. Whilst I'm reading, writing, eating, watching a movie and all manner of other life activities that menacing flashing red light appears on my Blackberry to inform me of a message awaiting my rapid response. Balancing 'real' life and digital life is a difficult act.

People keep telling me to make the jump onto the Twitter wagon as it will make it easier to connect with my friends because Facebook is dying. I can see the need to make the shift somewhat because people are always talking about my online activities like blogging on Twitter and I have to hear from other people that something I wrote is popular on Twitter. But I worry about the balancing act and how much more of my limited time I'll be spending on Twitter as opposed to being out and about staring at clouds.

I'm interested to know how you guys manage the balancing act. Is it a seamless transition navigating the two realms or, much like my experience; is it a herky jerky fumbling between the two? Please let me know.

Letters to God #3

Hello Big G,

Pieces of Letters to God

It's Charlie again. I'm here a lot lately - lots to say and nothing at all at the same time, sound and fury. The thing that keeps me coming back is what You've done with the throne room, very nice! The clouds drifting through the whole space and the throne carved into a mountain peak is just a nice touch. You've always had great taste though, one need only look at trees, the ocean or the stars in the heavens to know that You're balling.

 I'm lost, You know. I'm not sure where to begin with everything that's happening to me. This is my chance to build something beautiful, something I can write You about and You'd smile in approval. I have plans, blueprints, maps and all that great stuff effective people always have on their desks but I've no idea what to do with them. I spend most of my time staring at all of my plans and frowning a little. Would You terribly mind telling me what the first step is? All I want is to do something constructive that I'll enjoy, that'll make someone else out there (in the horizon I guess) breathe a little easier, that'll pay my bills, pay for Mass Effect 3 and allow me to watch the second season of Game of Thrones, that sort of thing, You know. I want to do something that gets me excited about being alive and all. I don't mean that it has to tickle me all day long but it has to get me going. The stuff I have planned can do this for me I suspect and that's why I need a little kick start.

The clouds drifting through the whole space and the throne carved into a mountain peak is just a nice touch. 

Sifting it all through my mind works out a little like this: Big Five literacy programmes, GAM (this one's uber big), NAG, Food and Trees for Africa and company. Those are the big players that I can access in the tangle of my brain right now. Commendable don't You think? Well, I hope You do think it's worth pursuing.

I guess it's all about time management in the end. I think my 24 hours are broken, they go by much faster than other people's. If I do one useful thing a day it's a miracle (sorry for having You perform so few miracles). I've got to learn how to do the time management thing and the getting things done thing while I'm at it.

I dozed off on a comfy cloud for a bit. Had a mini-dream that featured Whiskeyjack as a ghost in the supporting role. Not an Oscar performance but still cool.

Because Grunt has rights too.

Before I go, we had Human Rights Day this week, do the other sentient races celebrate that sort of thing? Like a Krogan Rights Day? I wonder.

Okay, later.

Love,

Your b3anbag

Letters to God #2

Dear God,

Pieces of Letters to God

Hello, I hope You're well today. It's raining here again, but that's in my head only. I guess You know that though, but it's still cool telling You all these mundane things. It's like in that Jeffrey Archer story where bargaining with the Turkish rug dealers over a cup of coffee is an enjoyable part of the interaction. I'm feeling a shade of colour between blue and green, I'm not really sure what that's about to tell You the truth. It's just one of those days.

I'm still waiting on that bottled inspiration. I don't mean to rush You or anything but it would be useful right about now. There are things that need doing in this little life of mine. Thank You in advance.

Then there are all these people on the social networks always trying to emotionally blackmail me into loving You. Silly things like,'If you love God you will forward this and if you love the devil you won't.' That irks me very much. It's such religious masturbation! Are You opposed to smiting a few of these people? I'm even willing to work for You in that capacity - just riding around smiting a few ridiculous people, Ghost Rider style (silly movies, those). Mind You, I've not given the whole business much thought and I might end up not enjoying it and whining like a girl somewhere down the line. I'm just saying.

Tell me, do You think I should be going to Church again? Don my dragon helm and go to the meeting with Your other soldiers? I'm not much of a team player or anything useful like that, but, who knows, I could be of some use and those guys annoy me only a little bit. I don't even get bored and only rarely do I feel like arguing with anyone's views. I'll take my queue from You on that one. Send me a crop sign or something. I don't know.

"Don my dragon helm and go to the meeting with Your other soldiers?"  

Clearly these conversations are going to be somewhat ridiculous on my end. I know You have a ridiculous streak too though, so this might be a good thing. I look forward to those occasions during which we solve world hunger and then realise our plan is too elaborate to successfully implement. Travie wants to know what Your favourite brand is since the devil favours Prada and all. I want to know what Your favourite beer is and whether it's safe for Charlie consumption.

I'm feeling sleepy and Game's shouting in my ears about some city and the angels in it. I'm gonna go now. Have Yourself a great day. Much love. I'll pop in again soon.  

Letters to God #1

Pieces of Letters God

Dear God,

Hello there, it's me, Charlie, You know, that guy who never really calls. Well, I'm in the mood to talk with You today - it's raining outside and that might have something to do with my sombre mood. I'm awfully worried about my life of late, my days have been broken and I need some help in fixing them, I really do. I'm sorry that I'm that guy who only talks to You when I'm down and need Your help. I try harder each day to do better and be better.

Your mission, should You choose to accept it, is to send me some inspiration in a bottle. You, know so I can put it on a shelf and use a drop on days like these, when my brain and body don't feel the urge to actively participate in the happenings of daily living.

There is so much that I need to be doing and I seem to lack the energy and enthusiasm of youth. I need to make Jo'burg libraries realise that they need me on-board with their Big Five literacy programmes, no one else can do it better than me. I need to convince NAG that I should be writing for them and that my whimsical style will fit in perfectly with their style. Big G, I need loads of inspiration to actually get things done - all the big plans I have and whatnot. I'm such a lazy guy and it's not good for my health. So please just drop me a vial of that inspiration elixir tonight. That would be nice.

"...they need me on-board with their Big Five literacy programmes" 

Anyhoo, enough about me and my somewhat tedious life (loads of its aspects are really nice though), how are You? What with having to deal with the running of the multiverse and listening to all the sentient beings you created complain about one thing or another. I was watching some Supernatural (great show that) and watching Castiel run around trying to be You was fun, he's got badassery down (yes, Thato, it's still a real made-up word) for a usually mild-mannered guy in a trench coat. I know this is not the sort of thing You usually do but could You please send me that bottled inspiration in the pocket of a Castiel  trench coat. I'm kidding... Or not if you're really going to do it.

"...please send me that bottled inspiration in the pocket of a Castiel trench coat"

Tell me, what's the deal with cockroaches? You made so many of them! I just don't get it, they annoy everyone. You made lots of ants and I get that, those little guys are super useful and they work very hard to do whatever it is that they do. I just don't get cockroaches though; they make no sense to me.

Okay, I should get going now. I'll write You more, I promise. It's always cool chatting with You and picking Your brain. Have a good day. Goodbye.

I love You.

The Reapers Have Arrived!

The Reapers are finally here. It's time to take up arms as Commander Shepard and defend not only the Earth but the Universe in the final chapter in the Mass Effect trilogy.

Falling in Love With Humanity

I Give My Beauty And My Youth To Men,  But My Wisdom, Experience, Time and Love To The Causes Of Humanity and ALL Life. For With Sacrifice Comes Balance, Awareness and Inner Peace.

I'm sad that people make something like falling in love seem so difficult. I'm a lummox, falling comes naturally to me - whether it's down a flight of stairs or into the heart of another human being. I'm not even speaking of romantic love, I'm simply referring to falling in love with your fellow man. I'm mean, petty, judgmental and probably cruel to many people - those I know and those I don't - but I find that I have an above average tolerance of people and their strange personalities because I seek to understand them and what they're about.

Imagine a world where everyone made some effort to get to know others on a less superficial level. That's the sort of world I'd like to inhabit, a place where people allow others to be as quirky or eccentric as long as those personality traits don't result in harm to others. In many parts of the world we have made a huge dent against issues like racism and many other prejudices but people still don't know what the person sitting next to them on a bus is about. I'm not saying know the lengths and depths of everyone you ever meet, all I'm saying is try a little harder to understand when an opportunity presents itself. Share some of yourself and listen to the other person a little more deeply than you usually do. Of course the world is filled with people who are douche bags, scum bags, lunatics and the rest of humanity's crummy lot so be careful about who you go and show a little extra kindness to . . . unless you are eloquent in several forms of the martial sort of arts, then you can afford to try get to the soft core of those scary looking big guys with the cold eyes.

Falling In Love Consists Merely In Uncorking The Imagination And Bottling The Common-Sense.

I like my space and things that are my own, I'm very territorial and slightly obsessive compulsive about my 'stuff' and I like that part of me, I find it to be rather quaint. So the last 3 months have been hard on me, what with life kicking me in the nuts for making stupid financial decisions (or failing to make decisions at all at times) and me having to move home after 3 years of living in my own space. Negotiating space with a strange mother, slob of a sister and bundle of energy of a 4-year old cousin has been difficult to say the least. But I've learned to become more social through it all and to understand life from their perspective: mom's just outright crazy and doesn't like things beyond her control in the house, even things that aren't her own; sis is just too cool to care about where she leaves her clothes, shoes or books, neatness is not something that adds to her life and cousin's just a kid who needs all of his toys scattered on the floor in front of him to have fun. I still consider moving back home a bad experience but I've opened myself to it a little more and when I'm not annoyed I love my family a little more.

To Love Deeply In One Direction Makes Us More Loving In All Others.

Human beings are rather exceptional creatures when we aren't killing each other and we all just want to be happy because we were programmed for Joy. We try and get to that state in the strangest, if not dumbest, of ways most of the time. But, of late, I really do love us a little more. I've tripped into that love and it's really squishy and nice.

Cupboard Person of the Week

Superman

“It's not about where you were born. Or what powers you have. Or what you wear on your chest. ... It's about what you do... It's about action.”

With the Batman trilogy's director, Christopher Nolan producing and 300's Zack Snyder in the director's chair I have faith the movie will be worthy of the Superman mythos.

This week I’m pulling out the biggest gun of them all! This post will be riddled with exclamation marks to emphasise the awesomeness of this more-than-man! Everything about this guy’s extreme; there are no half hearted attempts at anything on his part. I am referring, of course, to the greatest hero of them all, Kal-El or Superman as we know him on planet Earth.

The Sphinx: What happens when the unstoppable force meets the immovable object?

Superman: They Surrender.

-          Grant Morrison

Let me start off by saying that I didn’t like this guy much to begin with. In fact, there was a part of me that outright hated him! He was just too good at everything for me to take him seriously as a hero. He is almost perfect dammit! This is strange in itself, that I’d hate the guy for being too rad-ical. I liked (and still do) super muk muks (as Dan Turpin refers to ‘em) like Batman who are at the ‘peak’ of human excellence and whatnot because at the end of the day they’re human and if I train hard enough I could be like them. This was a naive thought, though, because when it’s all said and done Batman’s also too good to be true. Thus, after looking at Superman from a new perspective I’ve started appreciating him for what he is in the DC universe. I actually like him quite a lot now, especially after reading Final Crisis: Superman Beyond by Grant Morrison.

“It is a remarkable dichotomy. In many ways, Clark is the most human of us all. Then... he shoots fire from the skies and it is difficult not to think of him as a god. And how fortunate we all are that it does not occur to him.”

-          Batman

I agree with Batman's sentiment that Clark is the most human of us in that he lives up to most of the virtues that we uphold as being good and true but never seem to be able to live up to. He shares some similarities with Jesus in that regard. The whole idea of man made perfect and all. As our greatest hero he sets the standard for us. Philosopher, Peter Kreeft says of Christ that He is not the exception when it comes to being the perfect human being but the rule. Superman's whole ideal is the same, he seeks to inspire people to stand up and be more than they ever thought they were and to uphold justice in all that they do, regardless of their power and abilities. People don't have to be able to leap tall buildings in a single bound to stand up against the tyrannies of this world. But it does look cool dealing with them by shooting heat rays out of one's eyes, you have to admit.

Superman's one of the most powerful beings in the DC universe but his humilty is quite astonishing and he is willing to give his all, body and soul, to protect is adopted homeworld against powerful threats like Darkseid, who in Final Crisis launches an attack against existence itself. In a squeeze Superman's the dude you want by your side: powers that embody the term badassery (a real made-up word, Thato!) and humility that makes you think you're on the same level as he is. He is without a doubt DC's greates hero and I, for one, cannot wait to see him in all his glory on the silver screen next year in Man of Steel. I really hope the reboot does him justice because all the movies thus far made him seem a little bit silly. With the Batman trilogy's director, Christopher Nolan producing and 300's Zack Snyder in the director's chair I have faith the movie will be worthy of the Superman mythos.


P.S. That turned out a little more serious than I'd intended. Not enough Pow! and Bam!